We’re excited to introduce “Emotional Intelligence (EI) Fridays” on the blog, where we will hone in on how to develop and implement these softer skills.
Our first topic of focus will be listening, a critical skill for doctors, lawyers, and (future) CEOs alike. We hope you enjoy this three-part series.
Click here to read Part 1 of this series.
To become a more effective listener, keep in mind that listening requires engaging on multiple dimensions. Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg described the three components of listening in a Harvard Business Review article: Cognitive (taking in and comprehending the information); Emotional (maintaining calm to receive the information and managing emotional reactions to the information or its delivery); and Behavioral (demonstrating interest and picking up verbal and nonverbal cues). Maintaining awareness and control in these three dimensions promotes good listening.
In the same article, Abrahams and Groysberg provide a “cheat sheet” of nine actions you can do to improve your listening in the short term.
Repeat the speaker’s last few words back to them. The authors note that this practice demonstrates to people that you’re listening, keeps you engaged, and can provide moments to “gather thoughts or recover from an emotional reaction.”
Steer clear of restating or summarizing in your own words what the speaker said— unless you need to. This practice should only be used if you are not sure that you’re understanding. Abrahams and Groysberg suggest that if you do use it, explicitly state that you’re restating to confirm your own comprehension.
Offer nonverbal communication if you are comfortable doing so. If it feels natural, use eye contact and nodding to demonstrate that you’re listening. If not, don’t distract yourself with internal reminders to nod or make eye contact.
Look for nonverbal communication from the speaker. Take note of the speaker’s tone of voice, posture, facial expressions, and other body language or unspoken cues. The authors note the nonverbal can provide additional insight into the emotion and/or motivation behind the information.
Ask questions—more than you think you need to. Asking questions not only allows the speaker to feel listened to, it ensures that you comprehended the message and are not overlooking aspects of the information.
Be aware of distractions and try to minimize them. In addition to the digital and workplace distractions we all face, when you’re listening, try to focus on the conversation and speaker, rather than allowing your growing to-do list or another conversation to take over your mind.
Acknowledge your shortcomings to the speaker. Let the speaker know where you are coming from. Have you been in too many meetings today? Did you not have time to read the pre-meeting brief? Are you distracted by your roommate or kids in the next room? Let them know what you’re dealing with so you can both do your best to overcome existing obstacles.
Don’t rehearse your response while the other person is talking. The authors note that you think faster than others speak, but don’t fall prey to the temptation to prepare your response in advance. Take a few moments after they’ve spoken to compose your thoughts and use any extraneous brainpower to listen fully.
Monitor your emotions. Emotions can make it difficult to listen. Our brains can quickly engage in defensive behavior, pointing out the ways that the speaker is wrong and we’re correct. So, be aware of your emotions, acknowledge that you’re feeling emotional, breathe through it, and try to stay engaged with what the speaker is saying.